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Bag Lady is the sixteenth episode of the first season of American Housewife. Written by Vanessa McCarthy & Julie Bean and directed by John Putch, it aired on March 7, 2017.


After her family confesses to giving Katie the unflattering nickname "Colonel Beatrix Von Beige Underpants Control Freak", she tries to back off and let them run their own lives for a while. It seems she isn't needed when Oliver helps Anna-Kat sell bunches of panda paintings for charity and Greg helps Taylor find a sporting activity she can do while her ankle heals. But it's not long before all ask for Katie's help again. Meanwhile, Katie goes to war with big box store manager Ian over defective garbage bags.

The episode starts where Taylor is still sleeping and Katie tells her to get out of bed and Taylor says something weird to Katie and Katie tells her that she will cut Taylor. Katie tells Anna-Kat to start selling and Anna-Kat ignores Katie’s thing so Katie is offended. Katie confronts Taylor about joining an activity. Taylor asks her why is she forcing an activity that Taylor doesn’t want to do. Katie knows what’s best. Katie tells Taylor that she has one minute to decide on an activity or Katie will decide it for her. Greg tells Katie that Taylor might need a little more time to think about it. Katie confronts Greg about why is he on Taylor’s side. Greg tells Katie that in a sidebar we have a discreet conversation to the side. Taylor wants Greg to help her with the activity. Taylor talks about the doctor because she can’t do any strenuous activity. Katie tells Taylor that she’s impossible. Taylor sets Katie up to fail the parenting for Taylor. Making Katie offended. Anna-Kat talks back to Katie rudely because she doesn’t wanna sell any paintings of pandas. Katie tells Anna-Kat to go to her room and Anna-Kat goes upstairs to her room crying. Katie goes to Anna-Kat’s room and they both talk about Anna-Kat being rude so they both hug while Anna-Kat is still crying. Taylor tells Greg that she’s gonna do synchronized swimming. Oliver and Anna-Kat start selling paintings of pandas. Anna-Kat brings her stuffed animal panda with her while selling all the paintings. Anna-Kat tries to hold back her tears because of pandas but she starts crying so she hugs her stuffed animal panda while crying and Katie hears it so Katie brings them home and Anna-Kat is still crying on the way home and once they get home, Anna-Kat is still crying so her and Katie hug and rub each other’s backs during it while Anna-Kat is still crying so Katie gives her lunch to cheer her up. Greg and Taylor go to the store to buy Taylor some stuff that she needs. When they get home, Taylor confronts Katie and thanks her for ruining her life and she tells Katie to stop forcing an activity that Taylor doesn’t want to do. Katie feels offended but she tells Taylor to come back and Taylor tells her rudely to leave her alone. Katie feels even more sad because Taylor confronted her. Katie tries to call Taylor but Taylor isn’t picking up her phone. She’s avoiding Katie. Greg asks Katie that has she called Taylor and Katie says that she tried and she’s still not talking to Katie. Katie tries to apologize to Taylor but Taylor is still not talking to Katie. Katie talks to Anna-Kat because of the paintings so Anna-Kat is still hugging her stuffed animal panda because she loves it so much. Taylor is in the bathroom sitting there alone. Katie knocks on the bathroom door and Taylor says rudely what. Katie asks Taylor to come in and Taylor said fine rudely and Katie goes to talk to Taylor. Katie apologizes to Taylor for being extremely forceful about Taylor doing an activity. Taylor accepts Katie’s apology and they both hug. At the store, Anna-Kat starts crying about moving out of Westport and Katie says to Anna-Kat they aren’t gonna move out of Westport so Anna-Kat is still crying tears of sadness because she thinks that they’re gonna love out of Westport and Katie tells her it’s ok while they both hug. Taylor knocks down the cans. Oliver finds some panda projects and Greg tells an employee about pizza. After the store, everyone goes home and they all sit down and eat dinner. The episode ends where Oliver and Anna-Kat are playing video games.


Main Cast[]

Guest Starring[]

  • Larry Joe Campbell as Ian
  • Jennifer DeFilippo as Woman Shopper
  • Kevin Held as Male Customer
  • Luis Cordova as Store Employee (credited as Luis Fernando Cordova)


Anna-Kat doesn’t annoy Taylor and Oliver in this episode.

It is mentioned that Anna-Kat is 7.

Greg and Oliver do not interact with each other in this episode.

Greg and Anna-Kat do not interact with each other in this episode.



Taylor: why are you forcing something that I don’t want to do?

Katie: because I know what’s best. So you have one minute to decide on another activity, or I will decide it for you.

Greg: Katie she may just need a little more time to think about it.

Katie: Greg side bar. Why the hell are you agreeing with her and not me?

Greg: traditionally in a sidebar we would have a discreet conversation to the side.

Taylor: the doctor said I can’t do any strenuous activity.

Katie: see? She’s impossible.

Taylor: not you I was talking about my leg. (Scoffs) Mom, I’m just setting you up to fail. (Laughs)

Katie: (sighs offendly and walks away) let’s call Aunt Jean and start selling.

Anna-Kat: (rudely) no.

Katie: excuse me?


Greg: Ooh she yelled at mama.

Katie: did you just yell at me?

Anna-Kat: (gets sad and goes upstairs to her room crying)

Greg: oh she just gets sad and goes upstairs to her room and breaks down in tears. That’s so embarrassing. (To Taylor) Anyway what would you like to do besides the other ones that are embarrassing?

Taylor: Um probably swimming.

Greg: that’s cool.

Katie: (goes upstairs to Anna-Kat’s room) why did you yell at me?

Anna-Kat: (still crying) because I don’t want to sell my paintings it’s gonna be so sad because I’ve been like this because the sellings for the projects make me sad. (Continues crying)

Katie: I know. (Touches Anna-Kat’s back and rubs it) but sometimes we sell things because the people will be new and they are arriving so they need them.

Anna-Kat: ok. I’ll try. (Continues crying)

Katie: you’ll try. Just try and it’ll be ok. Aw it’s ok sweetie my favorite child. It’s ok. (Both hug while Anna-Kat is still crying)

Taylor: so I’m ready for my new activity.

Greg: that’s cool honey.

Taylor: it is swimming.

Greg: excellent. So you’ll start practicing every Wednesday.

Taylor: OK.

Male customer: I might not do this.

Anna-Kat: but sir, do you hear that? (Voice breaking) that’s the sound of pandas dying. (Voice breaking more) in deeeeeep. (Starts crying over the panda paintings so she hugs her stuffed animal panda while crying)

Katie: oh no. I know you don’t like to sell those paintings it’s ok for you to hug your stuffed animal panda while crying tears of sadness because you don’t like the sounds of pandas dying. Come. (Both hug while Anna-Kat is still crying) do you want to go home for lunch?

Anna-Kat: mm-hmm. (Sniffles)

(when they were home)

Anna-Kat: (still crying)

Katie: come. (Both go in Katie’s room and they both hug for 30 minutes while Anna-Kat is still crying) (says this paragraph during the hug) it’s ok.

Taylor: it’s girl stuff.

Katie: I hope you thought about it because I told you that you’re doing an activity.

Taylor: (rudely) I’m done with you saying that Mom.

Katie: (gasps upsetly)

Taylor: (rudely) you wanna keep forcing me to do an activity that I don’t wanna do and you keep saying it over and over again and you keep telling me to think about it. You are sometimes the worst parent ever and I don’t appreciate you being that so if that’s gonna happen, I’m not doing one but it is synchronized swimming and I am doing it. Never mind the fact that you were the one who lied to me and you were the one who kept talking get an activity. And you were the one who doesn’t understand everything. So you don’t have to worry about any gal pal you have....because you don’t have one anymore. (Walks away upstairs angrily)

Katie: Taylor come back.

Taylor: leave me alone.

Katie: Taylor I (stops and sighs sadly)

(20 minutes later)

Katie: (calls Taylor)

Taylor: (hears her phone ring and sees the call who is Katie and she ignores it)

Katie: (sighs) why is she still not picking up her phone?

(9:30 PM)

Katie: I am so screwed.

Greg: well did you try calling Taylor?

Katie: I did but she’s not picking her phone. She’s avoiding me.

Greg: well did you knock on her door or something?

Katie: I did but I tried to apologize to her and she’s still not talking to me. I am so screwed. (Sighs offendly)

Greg: yeah. Sometimes she can be cranky pants.

Katie: yeah.

(the next day)

(8:30 AM)

Taylor: (sitting in the bathroom being all mad because of Katie)

Katie: (knocks on the bathroom door)

Taylor: (rudely) who the hell is it?

Katie: it’s Mom. Can I come in?

Taylor: (rudely) fine.

Katie: (opens the bathroom door and closes it) listen, I just wanna say I’m sorry for keeping to tell you to do something that you don’t want to do. I really am.

Taylor: (smiling) I accept your apology. (Both hug and laugh)

Katie: listen, I understand that you don’t want to leave Westport and I understand.

Anna-Kat: (crying) I know because if we leave Westport were all gonna be in Florida again. (Continues crying)

Katie: it’s ok. We won’t move out of Westport. We will always live there in our street and house number 23 woody lane. I love you so much and No matter what, I will always love you and we’ll always stay in Westport. OK?

Anna-Kat: ok. (Continues crying silently)

Katie: aw. (Both hug while Anna-Kat is still crying) it’s ok. (Rubs Anna-Kat’s back during their hug while Anna-Kat is still crying)

Taylor: (looks for the missing circle paints so she can paint her project for an assignment she’s doing in art class at school) ugh why is there so much painting that are not for me so I can do an assignment at art class at school? Damn it. (Smashes them)

Kristina: (laughing hysterically because Taylor smashed the cans)

Greg: so this is why we get the new points about this?

Sam: I don’t know? I know it’s ok that we have the same desserts for Anna-Kat but Taylor and Oliver might not have any desserts for a little while because they don’t want them.

Greg: yeah.

Oliver: where the hell is my favorite type of pizza?

Molly: I don’t know it’s my favorite too. We don’t have enough for our new stuff.

Oliver: I guess so. Maybe because Alice wants to do something with me so I can keep the 40’s poppin.

Molly: yeah. I would’ve got my boyfriend something for Valentine’s Day but the other thing that I found is that you are still in with everyone. Especially me and Alice.

Katie: listen, everyone loves you so much my sweetheart. And so do I. A lot. So no more tears of sadness about moving out of Westport. OK?

Anna-Kat: ok I’ll try. (Cries loudly)

Katie: aw. (Both hug more)

Greg: so to find these ingredients do I have to look up for the web?

Cashier: no you don’t.

Greg: how did you end up in this crazy place?

Anna-Kat: (continues crying)

Katie: relax it’s ok relax. (Rubs Anna-Kat’s back during their hug)

Anna-Kat: ok. But you’re soft. (Continues crying)

Katie: aw my baby I’m always soft. (She says this during her and Anna-Kat’s hug)

Anna-Kat: I’m your favorite always. (Continues crying and sniffles while her and Katie hug and rub each other’s backs during it)

Katie: (says this paragraph during the hug) it’s ok my baby. It’s ok. I know it’s hard but I’m always there for you and I’ve always got your back. I understand. Do you want to sleep with me in my room for tonight?

Anna-Kat: mm-hmm. (Continues crying and sniffles)

Katie: aw my little princess it’s ok. (Continues hugging Anna-Kat and rubbing her back during the hug)